Hanbange 3.0 - (C) Breadu Soft 2008

댄 패트릭 쇼입니다, 전화연결 됐습니다

블루 마운틴 스테이트의 마티 대니얼스 코치입니다

코치씨 요즘 어떠세요?

좋습니다, 출연시켜줘서 고마워요

솔직히 말하면, 시즌초에 14위로 시작했잖아요

다들 당신이 실패했으니 이제 가망없다고 말했었죠

지금은 완벽한 결과에 단 한경기 남기고 있습니다

당신은 단한번도 완벽했었던적이 없었죠. 12승 0패

랭킹 1위. 어떻게 생각하세요? 기분 좋겠네요

글쎄요 솔직히.. 네, 기분 좋아요

그리고 그 비난들때문에 숨이 막혔었죠

숨막힌다고 해서 하는 말인데,

트랩 게임이 토요일에 있어요. 1승 10패팀.
(Trap game = 훨씬 약한상대와 붙어서 방심하기 쉬운 게임)

모두가 이렇게 말하죠, '이건 뻔해.

드라마틱한 장면을 연출하기 좋은 상황이니 좀 걱정해야될거야'

아뇨 아뇨 걱정 안해요

어.. 당신 쿼터백도 걱정 안하는것 같더군요

레이돈 렌델을 어제 쇼에 불렀는데 승리를 장담하더라구요

그랬어요?

네. 승리를 보장한다더라구요

심지어 스코어까지 예상했어요

115대 0으로 이길거라고

전화 받고계세요 코치님?
-네, 그건 그냥 장난일거예요

아뇨아뇨 제가 읽어드릴게요 말한 그대로

나, 레이돈 렌델은 핑커튼 팀을 혼자서 묻어버릴것이다.

내 팬을 위에 승리를 보장하지

115-0으로.

4 터치다운을 할것이고

필드골 5번을 넣을것이다

그리고 허락한다면 비트박스로

"God bless america"를 하프타임에 할것이다

글쎼요 제가 그 열정은 칭찬해주고싶지만

그래도 게임은 해봐야 하는겁니다

이건 당신이 속죄하기위한 마지막 기회예요. 알고있어요?

당신이 이걸 망치는건 보기 싫고, 진짜 할수있을거라고 생각해요.

뭐가 문제야, 댄?

내가 니 여동생이랑 찐하게 키스한걸 봐서 그래?

동생이 아니고, 내 부인이야

믿는게 좋을거야

기미갤 한방울。싱크 좀 고쳤구요

번역할 필요가 없거나 원문 느낌을 주기 위한 부분은

일부러 번역 안했습니다. 이것때문에 불편한 일은 없을거예요

피드백은 Versati@naver.com이나 기미갤로

GIVE ME A HELL,
GIVE ME A YEAH

STAND UP RIGHT NOW.

BLUE 16! BLUE 16!

SET! HIT!

코치님, 이딴 쿼터백짓은 너무 쉬워요

토요일엔 리시버 하고싶어요

그래? 난 영국 여왕 따먹고싶다

둘다 안일어날 일이야. 그냥 가서 뛰어

TRIPS RIGHT, 55 SCISSOR.(풋볼 용어)

가서 뛰어

망쳐버리자고, 재밌는짓 좀 할까 친구들

EAGLE GO TURN-IN, TWO ON ONE.(풋볼 용어)
하하; 준비

All: BREAK!

BLUE 16! BLUE 16!

SET! HIT!

PASS!
PASS!

- ( Thad shouts )
- ( Radon grunts )

- GOD DAMN IT!
- WHOOOO!

아작내버렸네, 이자식은 끝났어!

뭐가 문제야!!

연습중에 쿼터백을 치면 안되잖아

내 어깨!

리시버 였어요, 그리고 내 구역에 있었죠

누구든 내 구역에 들어오면 나가떨어져야 된다구요

그게 제가 할일이죠. 나가떨어뜨리는거!

그거 알아? 내가 널 나가떨어지게 해주지

그냥 일시적인거예요 코치님. 괜찮을거예요

한번은 운이 좋았다 개자식아

( Radon panting )
SHOOT.

내 구역에 있었는데..

FROM THE BOTTOM,
WE PACKED UP AND REROUTE

I HIT 'EM REAL LIGHT, THOUGH,
FATIGUED UP AND TIMED OUT...

피니스 고블러스

성기에 이 맛있는 식용 콘돔를 씌우세요

그러면 그녀는 이 로맨틱한 저녁식사 후 디저트에 환장할겁니다

YUP, PENIS GOBBLERS.

침대밑에서 오래된 상자를 찾았어

이거 맛있어, 여자들도 좋아하고

넌 이 피니스 고블러가 여자 꼬실때

도움이 될것처럼 말하고있군
- Uh-huh

안녕, 똥구멍. 이 피니스 고블러가 날 주말내내 토하게 만들었어

내께 니 구역질 반사신경을 건드려서 그런게 아니고? 하하

계속 웃어봐. 우리 오빠가 이번 주말에 올꺼니까

니 똥구멍을 걷어차줄거야

글쎄, 난 싸움은 안하니..

그래서.. 어쩔꺼야

보지년아?

뭐라고 불렀냐?

너 보지라고. 보지

다시한번 보지라고 해봐. 큰일날줄알아
- 아가씨, 하지마요

넌 보지야!
- 니 오빠는 죽었어

토요일에 보자, 보지야

( stammers )
YEAH.

YOU CAN PUT YOUR HANDS
ON IT, I WANT IT NOW...

AHH! WHOO!

I'M TELLING YOU,

경기 이기고나서 하는 파티는 죽여줄꺼야

니 방에서 단둘이 술 마실수도 있고.

그거 좋은데
-헤이, 알렉스

레이돈이 니가 토요일 선발이라던데
-진짜야?

아냐아냐, 레이돈은 그냥 삔것뿐이야

경기 뛸때는 지장 없을거야

그럼, 니가 선발로 바뀌게 되면

우릴 불러
-오

널 더 잘알게 되서 좋을거야

오. 니들 둘이 번호 같이쓰니?

우린 모든걸 공유해

그리고 우리는 모든걸 의미하지

니들 걸레들은 인사도 공유하지 그래

바로 이거야
- 치어리더 연습때 보자

너 공중에 토스하는거 기대된다
- 쟤네들 죽인다

진짜 선발멤버는 아니지??
-그럴 계획은 아니었어

근데 진짜

나쁜생각은 아닌데

그 게임 이길건 뻔해. 12승 0패로 돌아오면 난 영웅이야

리스크는 낮고, 보상은 크네

레이돈은 괜찮아질거야.
-예아

OH SHIT.
ALEX, LOOK!

척 리델이야. UFC 선수

뭐? 저건 척리델 아냐
-맞아

뭐 먹고있니? 이거 뭐야?
-피니스 고블러

난 인사하러 갈게

피니스 고블러 라고 했지?

척? 척 리델이예요?
- 그래 맞아

헤이, 그사람 맞아 알렉스, 내가 맞을거라고했잖아
-그래

와우, 팬이예요 빅팬이예요

피니스 고블러 먹을래요?

피니스 고블러가 뭐지?
-식용 콘돔이예요

맛있어요. 근데 저한테 문제를 가져오기도 했죠

하나 먹어볼게
-그거 좋아요

무슨 문제인데?

어떤 여자가 피니스 고블러 낀 내 자지 빨다가 몸이 아파져서

그 오빠가 날 박살내러 온대요

굳이 싸울필요는 없어

보통은 안싸워요. 그냥 짜증나게 하면

걔네들이 내버려둬요. 근데 그년이 날 보지라고 했어요

오 이런 그건 좀 다르지. 이건 싸워야되

내일 만나자. 훈련시켜줄게
-진짜?

그래. 하나 더 주라

내일 보자.
-와우

쿼터백을 지켜 이번엔! 퍼뜨려 퍼뜨려!

컴온, D. 엉덩이 좀 치워

OH BOY.

BLUE 16.
BLUE 16.

SET! HIT!

- ( Thad shouts )
- ( Radon screams )

쓰러졌어 쓰러졌어, 치지마

레이돈, 뭐야 지금?

전 다쳤어요, 코치님. 경기하면 안되요

트레이너랑 의사가 너 괜찮다던데? come on

모랜이 토요일에 선발 뛸거예요

거대한 -- 처럼 변하는구나--
- 물러서 태드

기다려요, 레이돈이 맞을지도 몰라요

제가 이 기회를 잡는건 어때요?

네
- 내말은, 어쨌든 우리가 이길게 뻔하잖아요?

Bowl game 전까지 레이돈 쉬게 해주는건 어때요?

닥쳐, 모랜. 일어나, 한번 더 해보자

- HUDDLE UP.
- ( groaning )

어제 그 충돌이 레이돈의 머릿속에

뭔가 충격이 된것같은데

미묘한 상황이네

미아를 불러줘. 내가 이혼했을때 날 도왔던사람이야

좋은 사람이지

치료 받으라고 하라구요?

그를 잃을수는 없어

그리고 저 멍청이가 내 빅게임을 망치게 할수도없고

저 여기있어요 코치님

레이돈

코치님이 너한테 자신감 문제가 있다던데

자신감이랑 상관없어요

다쳐서 그래요. 전 부상당한적 한번도 없거든요

그래, 지금부터 단어 연상 게임을 할게

내가 단어를 말하면, 처음으로 떠오르는 단어를 말해봐

준비됬니? 풋볼.

가슴

물.
-가슴

어께
-가슴

넌 엄마를 찾고있는것 같구나

엄마가 어딨는진 알아요. 공군에 있어요

적고싶은거 있어요?

저도 적을수 있는거 있어요

제가 뭘 적는진 모를걸요

내 가슴에 대해 쓰고있겠지

아뇨

그리고 있었어요

마지막 경기에 두경기 남겨놓고 있습니다

정규 시즌중에 말이죠. BMS 팬들이 와글와글거리는군요

무패 시즌의 가능성도 있고 말이죠

캠퍼스의 빅 뉴스는 레이돈 렌델이

연습에 지난 이틀간 모습을 보이지 않고

2학년 알렉스 모랜이 스포트라이트를 받고있다는겁니다

다이엔, 연결해주시죠

알렉스, 나한테 뭐라도 해줘!

경기 끝나고 날 부르면, 내가 뭔가를 해주지

이 학교는 폭발하기 직전이네

알아. 내가 불을 붙일꺼야

레이돈한텐 연락 없어요?

없어, 내 전화에 답신이없어

후..
-괜찮아요 마티?

그래그래, 그냥 좀; 더워서

내가 승리를 가져다 줄게. 장담하지

( cheering )

( groaning )

MARTY, MARTY,
MARTY, MARTY!

누가 앰뷸런스 좀 불러!

저기있네. 죽은 목숨

넌 보지야!

CHUCK?

CHUCK, CHUCK!
HEY, LOOK, CHUCK,
IT'S SAMMY!

척, 지금 뭐하는거예요?

새로운 동작을 연습하고있지

세상에서 가장 좋은 격투자세일거야

척, 저한테 그 자세를 가르켜줘야되요. 피니스 고블러 드세요

맛있어요
-넌 이 자세에 준비가 안됬어

작은것부터 시작하자. 전에 싸워본적 있니?

없어요, 척. 어떤것이든- jesus

첫번째 룰은, 맞지 말라는거야

네, 그거 좋네요 척

얼굴에 펀치를 날린 후에 말하다니

그나저나 이거 맛있네
-제가 좋다고 말했잖아요

죽지마세요 죽지마세요 죽지마세요

죽지마세요
-가족분들만 들어올수있어요

바로 여기서 기다릴게요

난 니가 이 경기를 망칠까봐 두려워

그후엔 니가 이 학교에 얼굴 못보인다는거 알지?

니말이 도움이 되진 않아

그냥 말하는거야.
방송사네

움직이지마. 니 눈동자에 반사되는걸로 머리 좀 다듬을게

움직이지마

알렉스, AOL 팬하우스의 클레이 트레비스입니다. 코치 상태는 어떻죠?

심장마비예요

그는 깨어났고 진행도 좋아요

당신이 이 게임 진다면 그게 코치를 죽일수도있다고 걱정하시나요?

1분전까지도 생각 안하고있었어요. 세상에
-전 그래요

여기선 편안하게 느껴지지. 그렇지않니?

난 여기 생각할때나 파티할때 가끔 와요

넌 여기가 엄마 자궁같아서 좋아하는거야

당신 말대로라면 내가 매일

엄마 질속에서 파티한다는건가요?

그래. 이제부터 어께를 주물러줄게

그동안 넌 내 가슴에서 모유수유를 하는거야

뭘 하라구요?

내가 가슴을 보여줄테니까 모유수유를 하는거야

전 우유같은거 못먹어요

정말로 먹으라는게 아니야. 상징적인 의미지. 이제 해봐

YES, MA'AM.

- ( screaming )
- GO!

OH YEAH!
OOH YEAH!

BABY!
WHOO! YEAH!

( cheering )

BLUE 16! BLUE 16!

HUT! HUT!

신경쓰지마
- 괜찮아 알렉스

WE STILL LOVE YOU!

- WHAT A PUSSY.
- YEAH.

ANY DAY
MY SHIP COULD SINK

I'VE GOT NOTHING
TO LOSE...

COME ON, CHUCK.
COME ON!

CHUCK, OKAY, OKAY.

- ( singing BMS fight song )
- ( monitors beeping )

내생각엔 우리 둘다 책임이 있는것같아

내가 레이돈을 쳤으면 안됐어

하지만 지금 생각해도, 그는 내 구역에있었어

그래서 그건 그의 잘못이야

니 차례야

장난하냐? 이건 완전 니잘못이야

부상이든 심장마비든

레이돈 안쳤으면 안일어났을거라고

MR.비난게임씨가 납셨네

다시봐서 반갑네요!
-비난게임이라고 하지마

( moans )

어쩌면 우리가 레이돈을 고칠수 있을지도 몰라

난 그를 다시 때리는것에 한표다

내가 신입생일때 불알을 너무 세게 맞아서

그게 일주일간 내 몸속으로 들어가있었어

그 귀염둥이들을 어떻게 다시 밖으로 내렸는지알아?

나도 알겠어
- 다른사람한테 다시 불알을 차달라고했지

난 뭐든지 시도할꺼야. 알아?

게임이 12시간후에 시작하거든

이게 먹힐지 확실하니?

내 인생에서 이거보다 확실한 일이 없었어

그게 더 걱정되네

이건 바보같아요. 다시 가슴 빨면 안되요?

니가 마음을 안열면 나아질수가없어

그냥 뭐가 보이는지만 말해봐
-네 좋아요

코치들로 보여요.
-말해봐

제 코치님들로 보여요

그들이 내 운동 열정을

착취하려고 하고있죠

나에대해선 신경을 안쓰죠
터치다운 공장에 대해서 신경쓰죠

터치다운 공장은 뭐지?

내 몸을 말하는거죠

니가 엄마에 대해서 문제가있는줄알았는데

코치에 대해서였구나

코치에 대해서 생각하는걸 말해봐

가기 전에 오랄 한번 해줄까?

지금 이시점에 그게 필요하다고 생각되시면

그 제안 받아들일게요

정규시즌의 마지막게임이 한시간앞으로 다가왔네요

이 팀이 과연 레이돈 렌델없이

무패 시즌으로 끝낼 수 있을까요?

또 마티 대니얼 코치의 리더쉽 없이?

이제 곧 알게되겠죠.
- 헤이 알렉스, 좋은 경기 바랄게

-예압
-헤이 알렉스 헤이, 할말있어

지금은 못해 난 이 완벽한 시즌을 망칠것같아

만약 우리가 이기면, 치어리더들 따먹을꺼야?

몰라. 아마도? 몰라;

오케이. 그럼, 지면?

지면, 학교 옮겨야지

그럼 이건 알아둬, 나도 같이 갈게

좋아. 고마워. 그게바로 지금 들어야할 말이었어

고마워. 나중에 말하자

니가 개새끼란건 잘 알았다

이 보지가 나타날거야 말꺼야?

보지가 나타났다 그래

그리고 그게 니 엉덩이를 차줄꺼지

베카, 니가 얘꺼 빨았어?

그럼 뭐라고말해? 체리맛이 났단말야

시작하기전에, 알아둬야될게 있어

내가 이사람한테 개인적으로 훈련을 받았지

CHUCK "THE ICEMAN"
LIDDELL.

( crowd laughing )

진짜? 척 리델?

THAT'S GOOD.

믿어지니, 척 척
어디갔어요?

방금 여기 있었잖아요
-새미, 난 여깄어

하지만 너만 날 볼수있단다

뭐? 말도안되!

저 금발여자가 맞단다

니가 먹던 피니스 고블러는 유통기한이 지났었어

넌 환영을 봤던거지

니가 바에서 봤던건 내가 아냐

OH MY GOD. ALEX, LOOK!
IT'S CHUCK LIDDELL.

- RIGHT.
- WOW, MAN.

BIG FAN OF YOURS.

훈련시켰던것도 내가 아니지

YEAH, BUDDY, WHOO!

넌 계속 혼자였던거야

- ( laughing )
- WHAT A PUSSY.

넌 보지라고 불리는걸 참을수 없었어

니가 못이길거란것도 알고있었지. 니 스스로 싸운거야

그래서 날 만든거지. 너의 용기로

OH SHIT!

저는 알렉스 모랜이 할수있을것 같진 않네요

그는 작년 사이프레스 볼 에선 최악이었죠

( turns radio off )

( sighs )

헤이 미아, 날 좀 보살펴주면 안될까

먼저 해야할걸 해야지. 레이돈이 할말이있대

해봐. 뭘 말해야되는데

네. 전 코치님들은

언제나 제 아빠처럼 대해주셨죠

절 신경써주시고, 데려가주시고, 뭘 사주시고..

당신은 좀 달랐어요

만약 제가 아프거나 다치면

그냥 절 짤라버려서

다신 당신을 안볼것같아요

그래서 제가 경기하기 싫은거예요

YOU KNOW, RADON,

너한테 의미있는 말을 하나 해줄게

며칠전에 했어야 하는 말인데

넌 보지년처럼 되고있어

..뭐처럼 된다고요?

뭐라고 말하는지 들었어요?

맞아. 나도 동의해
넌 거대한 보지처럼 되고있어

제가 보지같다구요?

코치님이 보지같죠. 병원 침대에 누워가지고

난 빌어먹을 심장마비고, 니가 보지야

보지라고 하지마요, 당신이 보지지

가슴에 주렁주렁 달아가지고 그걸 보고 보지같다고 하는거예요

나한테 다신 보지라고 하지마요

오 한번 해보자는건가?

OKAY.
( groaning )

레이돈, 지금 당장 결정해야되

남은 생애동안 엄마 젖이나 빨면서 평생

작은 보지처럼 살꺼야? 아니면 남자답게 풋볼 뛸래

어쩌면 치어리더 가슴도 빨수있고

난 이 병원에서 나갈거야

경기장 사이드라인까지

넌 이런짓을 하기엔 너무 보지같지

난 당신이랑 사이드라인까지 갈꺼야, 보지년아

그럼 씨발 가자고
-가자 그럼

척, 어떻게 나한테 이럴수있죠?

이 바보가 누구랑 말하는거야?

나한테 최고의 격투자세를 가르켜줄거라고 했잖아요

새미, 넌 날 만들었어

그건 니가 최강의 격투 자세를 만들었다는 뜻도 되지

Sammy: WHAT IN GOD'S
NAME ARE YOU DOING
RIGHT NOW, MAN?

PRACTICING MY NEW MOVE.

I CONSIDER IT THE BEST
FIGHT MOVE IN THE WORLD.

빨리 카일, 얘 시체자루에 담아버려

해보자, 와바 보지년아

난 널 좋아해, 새미. 언제나 그래왔고

앞으로도 계속

저도 좋아해요, 척

오케이, 잘들어

누구든 최고의 시간에

그의 길에 도전을 해야한다(버벅이는 연설중)

걔 안올거같은데, 우리 망했네. 난 망했다

영광이 그와 함께할것이고..

끝났다. 플레이 배워야되는데

OH SHIT.
태드는 어딨지

무엇을 하든지--
마티!

- Radon: HA HA!
- RADON.

풋볼 이길 준비 되셨나? BABY

( cheering )

유니폼 입어, 레이돈
-I'M BACK, BABY

- I'M BACK!
- THANK GOD!

I'M BACK, BABY.
I'M BACK, MAN!

I'M BACK, BABY!

THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO GO,
I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT

'CAUSE I GET MY HUSTLE ON,
DAWG, THAT'S WHAT I'M ABOUT

GET YOUR HUSTLE
ON, DAWG

THAT'S WHAT IT'S ABOUT
AND KEEP IT ROLLING, MAN

YOU GOTTA BE UP ON IT,
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO GO NOW

KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT

BUT I GET MY HUSTLE ON,
DAWG, THAT'S WHAT I'M ABOUT

GET YOUR HUSTLE
ON, DAWG

THAT'S WHAT IT'S ABOUT
AND KEEP IT ROLLING, MAN

YOU GOTTA BE UP ON IT,
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO GO

I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT

'CAUSE I GET MY HUSTLE ON,
DAWG, THAT'S WHAT I'M ABOUT

GET YOUR HUSTLE
ON, DAWG

THAT'S WHAT IT'S ABOUT
AND KEEP IT ROLLING, MAN

YOU GOTTA GET IT ON,
AND THAT'S FOR SURE, KNOW
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?

그래 그거나 햝아라, 보지야

( groans )

해냈어요, 척? 이겼어요?

피니스 고블러 좀 그만먹어. 친구

HIM! RADON.

( Radon screams )

너 씨발 미쳤냐?
-마티, 심장마비

다 나았어요 코치님, 천만에요

오 내 어께..

이번엔 진짜 다친거예요

NO NO NO NO.
SHIT SHIT SHIT.

우리 계획이 안먹혔네
-No shit!

가서 경기나 하자

압박감은 없지만, 만약 니가 경기 지면

코치는 아마 죽을거야

알아. 알아들었어
-널 믿어 모랜

선택의 여지가 없어서겠지만

모두를 실망시킬순없어

OH.

AW SHIT.

오케이, 해보자 한번

( mutters )

OH, SHIT.

( theme music playing )

E dadapatrick show. "
Joining us on the phone

We got the coach marty daniels
from blue mountain state.

Hey, coach,
how's it going?

Good, dan.
And thanks for having me on. Av.

Be honest now... You came
into the season ranked 14th.

Everybody was writing you off. They
said personally you were washed up.

so here you are, you're one
game away from being perfect.

You've never been perfect
before in your life. 12-0.

Number one ranking. What do you
think about that? Gotta feel good.

Well, if i'm being honest,
yeah, it does feel good.

and i hope those pricks
who wrote me off choke.

Speaking of choking,
i gotta tell you,

This is a trap game on saturday.
This is a 1-10 team.

everybody's saying it's a lock for you
guys. and it's gonna set the stage

For something dramatic. You
gotta be a little bit worried.

No no, i'm not worried.

well, neither is
your quarterback.

radon randell called the show
yesterday and he guaranteed a win.

He did?

Yeah, he guaranteed
a win.

he even predicted
the score here.

he's got you guys
winning 115 to zip.

- you still there, coach?
- Yeah, i'm sure he was just kidding around.

No no no. I'm gonna read it
to you. I got the exact quote.

"I, radon randell, will bury this
pinkerton team singlehandedly.

I'm guaranteeing a win
for my fans...

115-0.

i'm scoring four touchdowns
on the ground,

throwing for five
in the air.

And i'm also gonna see
if they'll let me beatbox

'God bless america'
at halftime. "

Well,
i admire his enthusiasm,

But we still have to
play the game.

This could be your last shot
at redemption. You know that?

I'd hate to see you blow it, but
i really think you're going to.

What the hell's
your problem today, dan?

Is it because i tried to make
out with your sister at the espys?

That was not my sister.
That was my wife.

And you better believe it.

- ( crowd cheering )
- Man: can you feel that?

you better hold on.
this one's about to get bumpy.

give me a hell,
give me a yeah

hell yeah

stand up right now

give me a hell,
give me a yeah

stand up right now,
right now

give me a hell,
give me a yeah

stand up right now.

Blue 16! Blue 16!

Set! Hit!

Hey, coach, this q. B.
Shit is just too easy, man.

I wanna play receiver
on saturday.

Really? And i wanna bang
the queen of england,

But that ain't happening either.
Get back in there and run the play.

Trips right, 55 scissor.

Get in there.

Screw him, man.
Let's have some fun, fellas.

Eagle go turn-In, two on one.
( Laughs ) ready?

All: break!

Blue 16! Blue 16!

Set! Hit!

Pass!
Pass!

- ( Thad shouts )
- ( Radon grunts )

- God damn it!
- Whoooo!

- Stick a fork in him... He's done, baby!
- ( Radon groaning )

What is wrong with you?

You don't hit the
quarterback during practice.

My shoulder! Ow!

He was a receiver
and he was in my zone.

anybody who comes
in my zone gets laid out.

That's what i do.
I lay people out!

You know what?
I oughta lay you out.

Just a stinger, coach.
He'll be okay.

You're one lucky
son of a bitch.

( radon panting )
shoot.

He was in my zone.

from the bottom,
we packed up and reroute

i hit 'em real light, though,
fatigued up and timed out...

"Penis gobblers...

Wrap your pecker in these
delicious edible condoms

And she'll be dying for a
romantic dessert after dinner. "

Yup, penis gobblers.

I found an old box
under my bed.

They're delicious,
and girls love 'em.

You expect me to believe
that penis gobblers

- Help you pick up women?
- Uh-Huh.

Hey, asshole. Those penis gobblers
made me throw up all weekend.

Are you sure i didn't hit
your gag reflex? ( Laughing )

Keep laughing. My brother's
coming here this weekend

And he's gonna
kick your ass.

Well, i'm not a fighter,
so...

So what does that
make you, a pussy?

What did you
just call me?

I called you a pussy,
pussy.

- Call me a pussy again, see what happens.
- Miss, please don't.

- You're a pussy!
- Your brother's a dead man!

See you on
saturday then, pussy.

( Stammers )
yeah.

you can put your hands
on it, i want it now...

Ahh! Whoo!

I'm telling you,

The party after we win that
game is gonna be awesome.

Maybe we should drink alone
in your room instead.

- I like that idea.
- Hey, alex.

- Radon says you're starting the game on saturday.
- Is it true?

No no. Radon's
just got a stinger.

He's gonna be fine
for the game.

Well, if that changes
and you are starting,

- Call us.
- Oh.

We would love to get
to know you better.

Oh. You guys share
the same phone number?

We share everything.

And we mean everything.

Well, why don't you
sluts share a goodbye?

- There it is.
- See you at cheer practice.

- Can't wait to toss you up in the air.
- They're nice.

- You're not really starting, are you?
- Wasn't planning on it.

But actually

That's not a bad idea.

This game is a lock. If i
bring home a 12-0, i'm a hero.

That's low risk,
high reward.

- Radon's gonna be fine.
- Yeah.

Oh shit.
Alex, look!

It's chuck liddell,
the u. F. C. Fighter.

- What? That's not chuck liddell.
- Yeah, it is.

- What are you eating? What is this?
- These are penis gobblers.

I'm gonna go say hi.

Did he say penis gobblers?

- Chuck? You chuck liddell?
- Yes, i am.

- Hey, it's him. Alex, i told you it was him.
- Right.

Wow, man. Big fan.
Big fan of yours.

You want a penis gobbler?

- What the hell is a penis gobbler?
- Edible condoms.

They're delicious, but they got
me into a little bit of trouble.

- Yeah, i'll try one.
- They're good.

What kind of trouble
are you in?

This girl sucked a penis gobbler
off my pecker and it made her sick.

Now her brother's coming
to beat me up.

You don't have to
fight, man.

I usually don't. I usually just
tell people i jerked them off

And they leave me alone.
But she called me a pussy.

Oh well, that's different.
You gotta fight now.

- Meet me tomorrow. I'll train you.
- Yeah?

Yeah. Gimme another one of those.

- See you tomorrow.
- Wow.

- Protect the quarterback this time!
- Spread spread!

Come on, d.
Get off your butt.

Oh boy.

Blue 16.
Blue 16.

Set! Hit!

- ( Thad shouts )
- ( Radon screams )

Down down down.
Don't hit me.

Radon, what the hell
was that?

I'm injured, coach.
I shouldn't be playing.

The trainers and the doctors
said you're fine. Come on.

Radon:
moran should start saturday.

- Quit being such a gigantic...
- Back off, thad.

Hey wait,
maybe radon's right.

Why don't i take
a shot at this?

- Yeah.
- I mean, we're gonna win anyway, right?

Why don't we let radon
rest till the bowl game?

Shut up, moran. Now come
on, try it one more time.

- Huddle up.
- ( Groaning )

Look, i think that
hit yesterday

Shook something loose
in radon's head.

we got a very delicate
situation here.

I want you to call mia, the one who
helped me get through my divorce.

The one with
the nice cupcakes.

You wanna put him
in therapy?

I can't afford
to lose him.

And i'm not gonna let that idiot
lose another big game for me.

Standing right here,
coach.

Radon,

Your coach tells me you're
having some confidence issues.

It has nothing to do
with confidence.

I'm injured. I've never
been injured before.

Okay, we're going to play
a word association game.

I'll say a word and you just say the
first thing that comes to your mind.

You ready?
Football.

Titties.

- Water.
- Titties.

- Shoulder.
- Titties again.

I think you're searching
for a mother.

I know where my mom is.
She's in the air force.

Oh, you want
to write some shit down?

I can write some
shit down too.

Bet you don't know
what i wrote down.

You wrote something
about my tits.

Nope.

I drew them.

Tv reporter: we're two days
away from the final game

of the regular season
and b. M. S. Fans are buzzing

at the possibility
of an undefeated season.

But the big news on campus
is that radon randell

has been a no-Show
at practice the past two days,

putting sophomore alex moran
in the spotlight.

back to you, diane.

Alex, you do
something to me.

Well, if you call me after the
game, i will make sure that i do.

This school is set
to explode, man.

I know. And i am ready
to light the fuse.

Any word from radon?

No, he hasn't
returned my calls.

- ( Exhales )
- Are you feeling all right, marty?

Yeah yeah, it's just
a little... Just hot out.

'Cause i am bringing home
that w. I guarantee it.

( Cheering )

( Groaning )

Marty, marty,
marty, marty!

Somebody call
an ambulance! Help!

Look, there he is...
Dead meat.

- You pussy!
- ( Girls laugh )

Chuck?

chuck, chuck! hey,
look, chuck, it's sammy!

Chuck, what in god's name
are you doing right now, man?

Practicing my new move.

I consider it the best
fight move in the world.

Chuck, you gotta teach me that
move, man. Have a penis gobbler.

- They're delicious.
- You're not ready for that move.

Let's start small. Ever
been in a fight before?

I haven't, chuck.
But i'll do any... Jesus!

First rule in a fight,
don't get hit.

Yeah, good to know, chuck.

Right after you punch me
in the face, you tell me that.

- They are delicious, though.
- I told you they were good.

Please don't die. Please
don't die. Please don't die.

- Please don't die.
- Whoa whoa whoa. Family members only.

We're just gonna
wait out here.

I'm really scared you're
gonna lose this game for us.

You know you won't be able to show
your face at the school again, right?

You're not helping
right now.

I'm just saying.
It's the media.

Don't move. I have to check my
hair in the reflection in your eyes.

Don't move.

Alex, clay travis, aol fanhouse,
how's your coach doing?

Well, he had
a heart attack.

He's awake
and he's in good hands.

Are you worried that if you
lose this game it might kill him?

- I wasn't a minute ago. Jesus!
- I am.

You feel safe in here,
don't you?

I come here to think
and to party sometimes.

You like it here because it
represents your mother's womb.

So you mean to tell me
this whole time

I've been partying
in my mom's vagina?

Yes. Now i'm going to
rub your shoulder

And i'd want you to nurse
from my breast while i do it.

You want me to do what?

I'm going to present my breast
and i want you to nurse from it.

But i'm lactose intolerant.

I'm not really lactating.
It's symbolic. Now go.

Yes, ma'am.

- ( Screaming )
- Go!

Oh yeah!
Ooh yeah!

Baby!
Whoo! Yeah!

( Cheering )

Blue 16! Blue 16!

Hut! Hut!

- Shake it off.
- It's okay, alex.

Kate and kara:
we still love you!

- What a pussy.
- Yeah.

any day
my ship could sink

i've got nothing
to lose...

Come on, chuck.
Come on!

Chuck, okay, okay.

- ( Singing bms fight song )
- ( monitors beeping )

I think it's time we both take
responsibility for what happened.

I shouldn't have hit
radon like i did.

But now that i think about
it, he was in my zone.

So that was his fault.

Your turn.

Are you kidding me? This
is completely your fault.

There wouldn't have been
an injury or a heart attack

If you hadn't
have hit radon.

Oh, there he is...
Mr. Blame game.

- So nice to see you again.
- Stop saying blame game.

( Moans )

Look, maybe we can work
together to fix radon.

I vote we hit him again.

My freshman year i got
hit in the nads so hard,

They went up inside
my body for weeks.

You know how i got those
puppies to drop back down again?

- I have an idea, yeah.
- I told someone to hit me in the nads again.

Look, i'm willing
to try anything, all right?

Because the game starts
in 12 hours.

Are you sure that
this is gonna work?

I've never been more sure
of anything in my life.

That's what
i'm afraid of.

This is stupid. Can i just
suck your titties again?

We're never going to get
anywhere if you don't open up.

- Just tell me what you see.
- All right, fine.

- they look like my coaches.
- Tell me about them.

I see all my coaches.

And they're just trying

To exploit my athleticism.

They don't care about me. They only
care about the touchdown factory.

What's the touchdown
factory?

It's what i call my body.
( Crying )

I always thought
you had mommy issues.

Now i realize you
have coach issues.

You need to tell
him how you feel.

Can i offer you a blowjob
before you leave?

If you think that it'd help
me out in this time of need,

I'll accept your offer.

we're just hours away from the
final game of the regular season.

can this team
finish undefeated

without the arm
of radon randell

or the leadership
of coach marty daniels?

- we'll find out today.
- Girl: hey, alex. good luck with the game.

- Yup.
- Hey, alex, hey. We need to talk.

I can't talk right now. I
have a perfect season to ruin.

If we win tonight, are you
gonna bang the head cheerleaders?

I don't know.
Maybe. I don't know.

Okay, well,
what if we lose?

If we lose, i'll have
to transfer schools.

Just so you know,
i'd go with you.

Great. Thank you. That's exactly
what i need to hear right now.

Thank you.
I'll talk to you later.

Good to know
you're an asshole.

Is this pussy gonna
show or what?

This pussy showed up
all right.

And he's gonna kick
some ass.

Becca,
you blew this guy?

What do you want me to say?
His penis tasted like cherries.

Before we get started, i'd
just like to let you know

That i've been getting
personally trained by this guy...

Chuck "the iceman"
liddell.

( Crowd laughing )

Really?
Chuck liddell?

That's good.

You believe these guys,
ch... Chuck, where'd you go?

- You were just right here.
- Sammy, i'm here.

But you're the only
one who can see me.

What? Bullshit!

The blonde girl was right.

Those penis gobblers you've
been eating, they're expired.

You've been hallucinating.

Chuck: that wasn't me
you met at the bar.

Oh my god. Alex, look!
It's chuck liddell.

- Right.
- Wow, man.

Big fan of yours.

Chuck: and it wasn't me
who's been training you.

Yeah, buddy, whoo!

Chuck: you've been alone
this whole time.

- ( Laughing )
- What a pussy.

Chuck: you couldn't handle
being called a pussy.

you knew you couldn't win
the fight on your own,

so you created me
as your courage.

Oh shit!

Man on radio: i just don't
think alex moran can do it.

he sucked in the cypress
bowl last year and he...

( Turns radio off )

( Sighs )

Hey, mia, i could use
a little mothering right now.

First things first. Radon has
something he'd like to share.

Go ahead.
What do you have to say?

Okay, my coaches

Have always been
like my dads.

Like, they took care of me. They
took me places. They bought me shit.

But you're not like that.

If i get hurt or injured,

You're gonna just
drop me

And i'm never
gonna see you again.

So that's why
i don't wanna play.

You know, radon,

There's something i've
been meaning to tell you,

something i wish i would
have told you days ago.

You're being a pussy.

I'm being a what?

Did you just hear
what he just said to me?

Yes, i agree.
You're being a gigantic pussy.

I'm being a pussy?

He's being a pussy. He's
the one in the hospital bed.

I just had a freakin'
heart attack, you pussy.

Man, stop calling
me a pussy, you pussy.

You're the one that got all the
stuff hanging out your chest, man.

Don't call me no pussy
no more.

Oh, you wanna play
that game?

Okay.
( Groaning )

Radon, you need
to decide right now.

Do you want to spend the rest of
your life sucking on mommy's titties

Like a little pussy? Or do you
want to play football like a man

And maybe suck on some
cheerleader titties?

Hey, i'm walking out
of this hospital

And right
onto the sidelines.

And you're too much
of a pussy to ever do that.

I'll walk out on the sidelines
right now with you, you pussy.

- Let's friggin' go then.
- Well, let's go then.

Chuck, how can you
do this to me?

Who's this idiot
talking to?

You were supposed to teach me
the best fight move in the world.

Sammy, you created me.

That means you created the best
fight move in the world too.

Sammy: what in god's name
are you doing right now, man?

Practicing my new move.

i consider it the best
fight move in the world.

Come on, kyle.
Put him in a body bag.

Let's do this, man.
Bring it on, pussy.

I like you, sammy.
I always have.

( Snaps fingers )
always will.

I like you too, chuck.

Okay, listen up.

"In any man's finest hour,

He must rise to the challenges
in his path. "

He's not coming. No,
we're screwed. I'm screwed.

"Glory comes
to the man... "

It's over. I should learn these plays.

Oh shit.
Where the hell's thad?

"What he does... "
Marty!

- Radon: ha ha!
- Radon.

Who's ready to win
a football game, baby?

( Cheering )

- Get suited up, radon.
- I'm back, baby.

- I'm back!
- Thank god!

I'm back, baby.
I'm back, man!

i'm back, baby!

that's the only way to go, i hope
you know what you're talking about

'cause i get my hustle on,
dawg, that's what i'm about

get your hustle
on, dawg

that's what it's about
and keep it rolling, man

you gotta be up on it,
that's the only way to go now

know what
you're talking about

but i get my hustle on,
dawg, that's what i'm about

get your hustle
on, dawg

that's what it's about
and keep it rolling, man

you gotta be up on it,
that's the only way to go

i hope you know what
you're talking about

'cause i get my hustle on,
dawg, that's what i'm about

get your hustle
on, dawg

that's what it's about
and keep it rolling, man

you gotta get it on, and that's for
sure, know what i'm talking about?

Yeah, suck on that,
you pussy. ( Spits )

( Groans )

Did we do it, chuck?
Did we win?

You gotta lay off those
penis gobblers, my man.

Him! Radon.

( radon screams )

- Are you freakin' crazy?
- Marty, your heart.

He's cured now, coach.
You're welcome.

Oh, my shoulder.

He's really hurt
this time.

No no no no.
Shit shit shit.

- Our plan didn't work out, bro.
- No shit!

Let's go get 'em.

And no pressure, but if
you lose this game...

Both:
coach is probably gonna die.

- I know. I got it.
- I believe in you, moran,

Mostly because
i don't have a choice.

Don't let all of us down.

Oh.

This is hell.

Aw shit.

Okay, let's do this.

( Mutters )

Oh, shit.

( theme music playing )